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Wednesday, May 29, 2013

A Little 'Snore'mpathy!!

This is for all those people who do not snore. I am convinced that snoring is very similar to passive smoking. The passive snorer is worse off than the active one. While the smoker smokes, he knows he’s going to die anyway, gives a damn and continues to billow wisps of smoke like a chimney, blissfully unaware of the person who breathes in passively. It’s in your face, nose, everywhere. Same with snorers. They snore on blissfully unaware of the fact that they make enough noise to keep up everyone in the house. They never realize how loud they actually are and never understand how they are not as rhythmic as they think.

Snorers are of different types. There are the soft snorers, who aren’t so bad, they just breathe louder than normal people, and I can live with that. Then there are the loud snorers and then the ones who choose between soft and loud, depending on ‘your’ level of sleep, mind you. Then there are the snorers who snore at different levels, loud, soft, long, short, abrupt, and expectant. Most importantly, there are the snorers in denial. They will not accept that they snore. NO NO NO!! They believe that they sleep so lightly that they will wake up if they snore themselves. It’s a good excuse…

I believe after many years of listening to snoring, that snorers are great sleep conversationalists. They are conversing, while they sleep. When it’s a short snore, it’s like asking a question. This snore can be equalled to a ‘huh?’ When it’s an abrupt snore, it shows surprise like ‘ha!!’ Then there is happiness in the form a loud long, long snore, then the settling snore, where the sleeper is at peace, with his ceaseless, rhythmic snoring.

Coming from a family of snorers, I did not realize how bad everyone was until; I travelled with them, all together in an AC compartment of a train. Now, you feel cosy and nice, wrapped in your blanket looking forward to a blissful sleep ahead. Alas, this thought is short-lived despite these compartments being so quiet, till all the uncles settle in for the night. Then the loud one, the abrupt one, they all seem to have a unique style. Forget the sleep, get a book. Can you read? Really? Fat chance!! It’s so distracting you have to put the book down to listen.

Our train was late and we expected to reach much later in the day, but surprisingly it reached early. The secret being that was because the train driver never slept, because he has to listen to the snoring! So, all the passengers should have given credit to my family but alas, none can understand the effort it takes to snore.

I stayed up too, to observe the various tones, rhymes and the poetry in motion, though I think many wives would find it a tad boring since they are entertained in this fashion every night. Maybe the family could put together a music album. Anyway, now I know why all my aunts have dark circles, it’s not because they are worrying about how we cousins turned out, but their husbands’ effective snoring.

So cheers to you all, my uncles who dare their wives’ glares and everybody else’s for a fitful night of sleep. A talent yet unrecognized, may you be popular!! In another continent, I hope.

Might get killed... so well...ahem...

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